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Getting my run on.

Archives for October, 2008

And just like that

Yesterday I asked for more inspirational weight loss blogs. Today I find out Y at Joy Unexpected has started a new fitness/health related blog, Two Thirty Two, to track her progress. Do you all know Y? I’ve been reading her blog for years and she’s talked occasionally about her struggles with weight and diet and exercise and now Hashimoto’s Disease. I’m excited to support her as she works healthy living back into her lifestyle. Go check her out and cheer her on!

Super cute

I’m feeling cute today.  If you see me and disagree, keep your mouth shut! :)

OK, so this watch what I eat and exercise more plan is just not working.  I need more motivation and inspiration.  I also need to track my nutrition again.  That 155 I was at earlier this summer?  That was because I was tracking everything.  I also want to see/hear/read more success stories.  Not only am I going to seek out more weight loss/fitness blogs but I’m going to start using SparkPeople again. So, have any weight loss/fitness blogs (not already on my blogroll) that you like? Pass them my way please!

And are any of you active on SparkPeople? Right now I’m only using it as a nutrition and weight tracker. I am going to explore their fitness tracker more and maybe hop on a couple message boards. I just hate message boards though. Those dopey little thermometer trackers and “inspirational messages” at the bottom of every post just irritate me. And everyone is always so rah, rah, you’re the greatest! When really, if you haven’t worked out in weeks, your nutrition is atrocious but you’re posting on a weight loss message board? You’re not rah, rah fabulous. You need a kick in the pants. Ugh. Anyway, SparkPeople. More blogs of people actually doing it. That’s my plan.

Along with this is my no ponytail promise. When I slack off and stop taking care of myself I end up wearing a ponytail to work a couple days a week. I can’t even be bothered to do my hair which doesn’t even take that long to do! Ponytails are my indication that I need to step it up again. My last ponytail day was Tuesday. That will be my last day for a long time. It’s all part of my take care of me plan.

Oh, and still 25 days to go until November 30th. 0 days exercised so far. I’m rapidly using those see-I-don’t-have-to-be-perfect days. Yes, I don’t have to be perfect. But I can’t go to the opposite side of the spectrum either and completely slack off. Happy medium. Happy medium.

Thank you

Thank you guys for your wonderfully supportive comments.  I want to make sure you guys know that I am proud of myself for the things I have accomplished – a good, solid career; healthy, loving marriage and family; solid friendships.  But I think it’s still valid to point out what I believe to be a character flaw in me – I never strive to be the best.  I always settle for good enough, OK, adequate.  It’s as if I lack the ambition gene.  Robyn brought up college and you know what?  College wasn’t that hard for me.  I never pulled all nighters.  I got decent grades, always did my homeowrk in front of the tv, held down a part time job and graduated with a 3.1 and that was in electrical engineering – long thought to be one of the harder engineering disciplines behind chemical (of course!).  But I never pushed myself to do more, be better.  I just settled for passing and moved on.  And it translated into my career.  I only spent a couple years in design engineering before being moved on to more organizational type tasks like project management (something at which I do well at – I’ll give myself credit there).  I always say I wasn’t any good as a designer and that’s why they found other things for me to do.  Honestly?  I didn’t put any effort into designing and that’s why I wasn’t very good at it.  Jen is right too.  I do have perfectionist tendencies.  I don’t think they come out all the time but I wonder if they do hold me back.  In thinking today, I noticed another trend.  When I have a plan, and I’m working it, and something goes wrong?  It’s like a switch gets turned off and I give up.  It’s as if I subconsciously think that since something has gone wrong, then it won’t be perfect and I every so subtetly sabotage myself.  I never sabotage enough to not follow through with my goal – I am a stubborn perfectionist after all.  But I never jump over the hurdle and train/try just as hard anyway.  So, because I want to be healthy and fit, and I want to work through some of these perfectionist issues, I’m issuing myself a challenge – work out 25 days between now and November 30th.  There are about 5 weeks between now and then – roughly 38 days.  Since right now I’m working out, oh, about 0 days/week, jumping to about 5 days/week is a pretty big jump.  I know I can do it though.  I’d only “have” to get up 3 days/week in the very early AM to get my workouts in.  I could do the other two on weekends when I generally have more time.  And a “work out” for this challenge consists of at least 30 minute of cardio or at least 30 minutes of weight training – on 25 separate days.  Cardio and weight training on the same day still only counts as one work out.  Now, for every challenge there has to be a reward, right?  My reward will be a massage.  It’s been months since my last massage.  If I can finish this challenge (remember that stubbornness, right?) then I can get my massage in December.  Seems fair.  Any of you want to issue yourself a challenge?  Leave a comment so we can cheer each other on!  See you in the AM – after my first sweaty workout of the challenge!

Why? Why do I do this?

Hello.  My name is Kristina and I am a self-saboteur.

I’m serious.  I do this all the time.  I get close to a goal and then I just stop.  I stop trying.  I stop working.  I even go the complete opposite direction.  I’m doing it right now.  Last week I declared I wanted to lose five pounds by this Saturday so I’d look better in my new dress (we have a party to go to Saturday night).  So, last week I was really good eating-wise (not so much on the exercise) and I lost 3.5 pounds.  Good.  Only 1.5 pounds to go!  Yeah, this week my eating has been atrocious (damn Halloween candy), my exercise non-existant and I’m up 1.2 pounds again.  Why?  What is the reason?

Don’t believe this is a pattern with me?  Let’s look at some more examples.

Fall 2002.  I’m training for a marathon.  I’m running 8-10 miles at a time no problem.  I actually start to believe that maybe, just maybe I can do this.  Then I start having IT band problems.  Instead of working just as hard in the pool (running) or on the elliptical, I slack off.  Am I diligent about my IT band stretches and exercises prescribed to me by my physical therapist?  Nope.  By the time the marathon rolls around in January 2003 both IT bands are toast, I’m completely unprepared and it takes me over 6 hours to complete the damn thing.  I could have done better.  It was all my fault I didn’t.

Summer 2008.  I sign up for a 10 mile race.  I have a well defined training schedule that gradually increases my miles and gets me up to 10 miles by the race.  I start out strong, making all my assigned workouts and distances.  I start having IT band problems again so I take it easy some days on my runs but I’m still getting in my miles and my distances.  Then, as the race gets closer and closer, my workouts get more sporadic and farther apart.  By race day instead of coming off a 9 mile run like my training calendar says, I’m coming off a six mile subpar run.  My longest run is 6.1 miles.  I finish the 10 mile race, walking half or so of the last mile.  I miss both my goals – finish in under 2 hours and run the whole thing.  I’m disappointed in myself.  Again.

And this self-sabotage is not only in relation to health and exercise.  My job?  Comfortable.  Not pushing myself to excel or seek out new opportunities.  My relationship?  How about I pick a fight once in a while for no good reason.  My friends?  I only have a couple “really good” friends and even them I don’t talk to very often anymore.  That friend that lives so far away?  Let’s kill that friendship by not staying in contact more.  E-mail is not that hard you know.  Yeah, that sounds like something I would do.

Seriously.  Why do I do this?  Is it because of the awful things my grandfather did so long ago?  Do I suppress myself so as to not draw attention?  Keep everything at arms length, just a little, just out of reach?  Never excel.  Never be the best.  Is this just my nature?  To not be ambitious?  To not try to continually better myself?  It makes me sad.  Whatever it is that causes me to do this to myself.  It makes me sad.  I want to be an athlete.  I want to be fit.  I want to grow in my career, to keep my marriage healthy, to be a good parent, a good friend.  Maybe if I can focus on just this one aspect of my life – my health and fitness – if I can will myself, make myself keep going, keep trying, keep bettering myself.  Well, then maybe that will carry over into other parts too.  Maybe I can make my whole self better if I can just work through these issues in this one part.  It’s worth a try.  I’m stagnating otherwise.  And it makes me sad.


I received some new motivation today – new jeans.  Last week I ordered new CAbi jeans.  Their the classic fit from the fall/winter ’08 line.  I love them, especially the pockets.  I got my jeans today and while I can get them on and buttoned, there is a whole lot of muffin top going on there.  I HATE muffin top.  So, my brand new short term goal – get rid of enough belly flab to wear my new jeans comfortably.  I love these jeans and don’t want them just sitting in my closet.  I lost 3.5 pounds this week (some of that from being bloated) and am back down to 160.0.  Only need to lose two more pounds to be at where I was hoping to be for next Saturday’s party wearing my new dress.  I can do this.  Those two pounds will make all the difference in my new jeans.  And from there it’s only down some more.  Maybe by Christmas (or spring break?) these new jeans will be baggy!

Avoidance is the easy way out

I’ve been avoiding you lately.  It’s easier to do that then to come here and say that I haven’t worked out since Saturday’s bike ride.  And before that was the 2.5 mile run Kris and I did together on the 4th.  I’ve completely lost my will to get up at 5am to work out.  It’s so much warmer and snugglier in my bed instead, especially when Kris and the kids wake me up on average 2-3 times a night.  And I’ve had some weird hormone/health issues lately (don’t worry, nothing serious!) that have left me tired, so tired.  I think some of that tiredness is from my lack of exercise too but still – so tired!  So, I’m coming here to you to confess my sins and ask for forgiveness (whoa!  Catholic upbringing coming out there!).  I also need to come clean so that I can start anew.  Start getting up again to work out in the mornings.  Start working towards those goals I set for myself.  Start taking care of myself again.  (And lose 5 pounds by 10/25 – heh).  Slacking time over!

It’s hard!

You know what’s hard?  Waking up (for the third time) at 3:30am to a shrieking child.  Annika was sleeping in the hall (huh?), rolled over and accidentally touched the reset button on the carbon monoxide detector which then gave off a warning (high pitched) ring.  After reassuring her that all was well she laid back down.  Unfortunately her shriek and the monitor woke up James.  Who decided to stay awake for another half hour.  Kris came to my rescue at 4am so I headed back to bed.  Of course by that time I was too wide awake and couldn’t fall back asleep.  I knew that 5am wake up call was just not going to happen.  My body just does not respond when I’ve been woken up at 4am and then I have to get up less than an hour later.  I reset my alarm and went back to sleep.  If I’m woken at midnight or 2am it’s not so bad but 4am?  Apparently I can’t be disrupted in that last hour or so.  It’s just too hard!  Tomorrow though.  Tomorrow I will be up at 5am for a good, sweaty workout.

Competitiveness is eating me alive!

This past weekend was the Twin Cities marathon.  I have a goal of someday running this race.  I tried to get into the 10 mile accompanying race this year and didn’t make it through the lottery.  But I know people who did.  I have a coworker, S, who ran the 10 mile race.  In 1:31 for a 9:09 pace.  And now I hate her.  And I have a coworker, J, who ran the marathon in 4:25 for a 10:09 pace.  I hate him now too.  And I was on facebook last night (shut up) and found out that a high school classmate of mine, C, ran the marathon in a staggering 3:12 for a 7:20 pace and was 399 overall.  I really hate him.  And here I am with my 2:00:49 10 mile.  C could have practically lapped me running his marathon!  I so want to be faster.  I want to be in the mix instead of bringing up the rear.  Of course I am also a slacker of huge proportions and so my workouts since the 10 mile race have been pitiful and virtually non-existant.  I need to work harder.  I won’t ever get better if I don’t.  I don’t have to be this slow.  And I hate that I am.  I don’t know what the point of this post is.  It’s pretty whiny.  I guess it’s all up to me now.  Want to be faster?  Work!  You think those “fast” people sit on their asses wishing to be fast?  So – time to get to work.

New Goals

Now that the 10 mile race is over, it’s time to set some new goals.  I still have my long term goals there in the upper right.  See?  But I need some new short term goals to keep myself motivated.

#1 is I want to get faster.  11+ minute miles are just not cutting it for me.  I think I can do better.  It is my goal to be sub 11 minute by spring, hopefully even sub 10 minute miles.  I don’t have a specific action plan for this goal other than to run shorter distances (2-6 miles) and to push myself harder with maybe some sprinting thrown in for “fun”.  So far I’ve been focusing on miles, getting them in, increasing them, etc.  I just wanted to be able to run the 10 miles.  Now that I know I can (or almost can) it’s time for me to get better at it!

#2 is to restart the 100 push up challenge.  The race is over and my arm/shoulder is completely healed so it’s time to re-start.  I’ll do my initial test again this weekend and go from there.  I believe they have re-tooled it a bit so the jumps between weeks aren’t so dramatic.  I think that will help.

#3 to go along with #2 is to start weight training.  It’s been all cardio, all the time around here and I really think I need to add in some weight training.  This previously was not possible because we didn’t have weights at home and don’t belong to a gym.  That’s why I was doing calisthenics for a while there.  Well, my brother recently moved to El Paso and left his weight bench and 300+ pounds of free weights with us!  Kris has them mostly set up in the basement and I’m counting on him giving me a weight lifting tutorial this weekend.  I’m also going to have him help me set up a routine, inspect my form and just generally give me pointers.  The man used to live in the gym so I trust his knowledge completely.  I also can’t wait for him to get back into lifting weights.  Yum.  Ahem.

So, all this to say that my new routine will look something like this:

Mon, Wed – Weight Train

Tues, Thurs – Cardio

Fri – Rest

Sat – Weight Train & Cardio

Sun – Cardio

Details are still being worked but I think that’s what it’s going to look like.  Any of you out there work with free weights and a basic bench?  Got any tips, exercises or pointers for me?

#4 is all about weight.  As in I need to lose some.  I’m back up to 161.2.  Yuck.  And double yuck.  And it’s all because of my mouth.  I can’t stop putting food into it.  I’ve been better this week and will continue to work on this.  More exercise will of course help but if I don’t slow down with the food consumption it really won’t matter.  So, goal #4 – eat less.  Sounds simple but I suspect this may be the hardest one.  I, uh, really like to eat.  Heh.

All right.  Ready to cheer me on?  Ready?  Set?  Go!